I'm A Doctor, Not A
by Lucillia
Summary: A while back someone - or several someones - did something where Watson says "I'm a doctor, not a... Insert profession here ." I was inspired. All of mine will be crossovers with a fantasy or sci-fi twist.
1. Wizard

Watson didn't know what Holmes was working on, and honestly didn't want to know. He'd been fiddling with a miniature golden hourglass that he had acquired somewhere for the past couple of hours. Watson had put his briefly seeing two of Holmes in the room an hour ago down to an overactive imagination, he certainly didn't see one of the Holmeses put on his hat and inverness and race out the door.

"Hmmm, maybe it's the sand." Holmes muttered as he reached for a hammer which he promptly used in a rather crude attempt to disassemble the hourglass.

Suddenly there was a windstorm inside the room. Sand and various loose items blew about in a circle around Holmes and the unfortunate doctor. As suddenly as the windstorm began, it stopped. The room looked much the same except for the crowd of wide eyed people being ushered back by men in strange robes holding sticks.

Holmes had quickly moved towards the window. Frowning, he gestured for Watson to follow. Outside, the street had changed a great deal. In what seemed an instant, the buildings had been replaced with unfamiliar ones, the ubiquitous carriages had been replaced with strange wheeled devices painted in a wide variety of colors that moved along the oddly paved road without the assistance of any outside entity. The people who walked along the street wore all manner of strange, and in the case of the women, improper attire. The women were wearing trousers for heaven's sake!

"Watson, do you have any idea as to how to get us home?" Holmes asked.

Watson blinked, tore his eyes from the strange sight in front of him, turned to his friend and said "I'm a doctor, not a wizard."


	2. Mechanic

I had been a little wary when the pale man with the golden eyes who introduced himself as Data had showed up at our doorstep. Now I was grumbling, because Holmes had waived his usual fee for this case and I was traipsing across the countryside without the hope of remuneration to cover travel expenses or a week's lost wages.

My leg burned as I attempted to catch up with my longtime friend and his new companion who were racing across the grounds of the isolated Manor in which the perpetrator of the rather unusual crime we had been hired to solve dwelled.

The man in question raced from his abode wielding a great broadsword which he used to hack off the head of Holmes' pale companion before he was subdued.

Holmes didn't seem half as surprised as I was when I noticed that our beheaded companion was still standing. Having seen a man lose his head in Afghanistan, I knew that there should be a lot of blood and a corpse on the ground.

"Watson, if you could just...Er, pop his head back on..." Holmes said, gesturing helplessly to the headless body, that against all reason was still standing.

Still in shock, and confused by the fact that there wasn't any blood I moved closer to the standing "corpse". Instead of flesh, I saw metal and some strange colorful material I couldn't identify covering a bunch of thin copper wires. Whatever this thing was, it was far out of my area of expertise.

"Holmes, I'm a doctor, not a mechanic." I cried.


	3. Pilot

He was far far too old for this. He didn't know how he and Holmes kept getting into these situations. Situations that, should he ever tell anyone of them, they would think him either an incredible liar or a madman.

They had recently been involved in an aerial dogfight with an aeroplane that had presumably belonged to the infamous Red Baron. The aft end of their craft was smoking ominously, and their pilot had bailed the instant it had started dropping like a rock.

"Watson, do something!" Holmes shrieked in my ear.

"Holmes, I'm a doctor not a pilot, and how the hell do you fly a doghouse anyways?!" he yelled back.


	4. Ninja

Honestly, I didn't know who was more surprised when the oddly dressed man vanished. Holmes had concluded that the man was of mixed European and Oriental ancestry who belonged to a military organization of some sort in Japan when he had first spotted him.

During the pursuit in which the man had nearly outrun them several times, the fugitive had thrown weapons he had vaguely recalled reading about in some of the more sensational stories about the Far East.

When I finally got a clear shot, the man moved his hands in a most peculiar manner and vanished in a whirl of leaves that had shown up out of nowhere.

"Watson..." Holmes said, clearly at a loss.

"I can't go after him Holmes." I said. "I'm a doctor, not a ninja."

That was about the time the guy's buddies showed up and captured us. What followed is an adventure that will not be published until long after my death. Until then, I'll keep the manuscript in a certain safety deposit box, if I don't decide to burn it that is. My adventures on the Hidden Continent were rather embarrassing to say the least.


	5. Chef

"I'm a doctor, not a chef." John Watson said as he watched his companions stare mournfully at the blackened meat and undercooked vegetables that was to be their dinner.

"I'm afraid that I can say the same thing." the man who owned the blue box that was bigger on the inside which he and Sherlock were traveling around in said as he pushed a bit of broccoli around his plate with a fork.

"Don't look at me!" the man from the future who'd introduced himself as Bones replied with an American drawl that was common to the Southern regions.


End file.
